Be subtle, and say more

Beginner writers are always being told "Show not Tell".

As we know, "Showing" is more effective in bringing the reader into the moment or the scene.   But we can really enhance our "showing" skills further if we know how to use the full impact of skillfully crafted sentences to:

•  create a visual image in the reader's mind
•  evoke a particular emotional response
• engage the readers deductive reasoning powers

You can do this by planting clues in the reader's mind, but not provide all the information.  Under-write.  Be manipulative.  The reader's mind will provide the missing information, which will be all the more vivid or powerful as a result.

Here are some examples:

Jane turned to the estate agent.   "It's not really what I'm looking for.  It is far more than I want to pay, and the wallpaper in the lounge is too bright."  

In the above example, it is clear that Jane doesn't want to buy the house.  It is also clear that she is not giving all the real reasons.  The reader will have to work out what is really going on here in the story (although in this example, we don't have sufficient information yet).

Tom ambled down the sunken lane towards the church, through the soft dusk of a late autumn afternoon.  The earthy scent of damp leaves burning on bonfires drifted on the wind.   At the lychgate, he hesitated.  The grave was still too recent.

Mrs Jones had Bill's army photos framed and hung up in his old room.  His bed was made and his clothes put away in the wardrobe, all ready for his return.   The room was kept spotless.

Can you use subtle writing in your current piece? 

Beware of "ing" and "Iy" words

By "ing" words, I mean words that have a verb as the root with an "ing" added on.  Examples are walking, running, reading, writing, spelling, looking.  You get the idea.

These "ing" words can be gerund nouns (eg The writing was on the wall.) or they can be adjectives (eg the running man.).  I'm concerned here with "ing" words used as present participles (eg Walking to the door, he turned the handle.)

So what is actually wrong with:  "Walking to the door, he turned the handle"?   Simply that it implies he is doing both at the same time.  In reality he has to walk to the door before he can turn the handle.

What if the actions really are simultaneous?  For example, "Walking to the door, he put on his scarf."  Then this use would be correct, but it still may not be the best way of constructing the sentence.  It is often better to use the active form of the verb.  "He walked to the door and put on his scarf."

The active verb form is stronger and is less tiring for the reader as the sentence just flows in a sequential order.  The subject is just before the verb which keeps everything simple and clear.

Using the present participle, the reader has to keep the first part of the sentence in his mind while he reads the remainder of the sentence.

Use the search feature to look for all examples of  "ing" words in your writing.  Identify which are used as present participles, and then re-write the sentence unless you have a good reason for wanting to retain it.

"ly" words are adverbs.  What is wrong with adverbs?  Nothing really, except that they are often overused by lazy and flabby writers (and I'm not talking about BMI here).  Writing can be made more concise and therefore tighter simply by using better verbs instead of verb-adverb combinations.  So again use the search  tool on the "ly" words, and try to find alternatives for some of them

These two searches can really help you root out weak or over-used prose.  Happy editing!